


I Remember~

by AGeekyBear



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, F/M, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:40:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28618950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AGeekyBear/pseuds/AGeekyBear
Summary: The killing game has ended, it should finally be the happy ending everyone has been hoping for years in the despairful world, yet the three survivors wake up to discover the killing game was a virtual simulation and all their friends- and enemies- are alive. Again, a happy ending? The game is over, they're all alive......So why does it still hurt?
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Amami Rantaro/Shirogane Tsumugi, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, Harukawa Maki/Momota Kaito, Iruma Miu/K1-B0, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi, Yonaga Angie/Yumeno Himiko
Comments: 12
Kudos: 87





	1. Awaken

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for all DR content ahead. Trigger Happy Havoc, Goodbye Despair, Killing Harmony, Ultra Despair Girls, Danganronpa 3
> 
> Read at your own risk

**Saihara's POV:**

Light.

A bright and hopeful sparkle in the distance, one that had finally revealed itself in the ruins of what was our suffering, our time at the Juvenile Academy, on the remains of the friends and the memories we had of them both the good and the bad, the trials, the tears, the deaths were all forgotten in that sun that they had all helped us reach in some way. 

That was what I was reaching towards when we left the 53rd killing game and headed for whatever kind of future awaited us. I don't know if the future is going to be filled with despair, what Shirogane told us the world was. I don't know if I am ready to face that world, but I will. I would keep moving. That's right, that's what Momota and Akamatsu gave me the strength to do, helped make who I am now...was...I don't know anymore, but my name is Shuichi Saihara and I was the ultimate detective in that game.

Along with one of three survivors.

It had been a long journey filled with heartbreak and betrayal at every corner, but we had finally found the mastermind and won the killing game, and hopefully ended it for good. I...I want this to be the end.

I don't want more people to have to go through what we did, even if we entered voluntarily. Even if the memories I have as Shuichi Saihara might be false...even if the real me is someone I could despise, or won't even be able to recognize, whatever sort of truth is awaiting and revelation the world might take from our game...I want to believe that the world can change.

I sound so different from how I used to think. I was so scared when I woke up in that locker when I got thrust into that game, unsure of what to do. I guess Momota did change me huh? Akamatsu too.

I stepped towards that light with the expectations and excitement to see that world we all had sacrificed so much to see...

Maybe that is why I was so confused when the light became replaced by a void made of numbers, coding flooding my eyesight as the dome we spent the last months faded away and left instead pitch-black sea.

~-~-~-~

_ Huh...? Where...where am I? _ I opened my eyes to feel a bed, and...a hospital room? I could smell the scent of disinfectant and see the almost blinding lights above, with the beeping of a monitor showing I was alive. I tried sitting up, but my legs felt useless and numb as I saw an IV drip in my arm with a heart monitor. I was wearing a hospital patient's gown.

_ I'm...I'm outside...?  _ I looked for any sort of window only to be met with none as I tried to get up to move around, but my legs refused to help me. Let alone allow me to stand.  _ Where am I...? How did I...? HARUKAWA! YUMENO! _

I searched around for the two girls but they were nowhere in sight, all that the room had, in fact, other than the machinery was the bed and a nightstand which had some flowers placed next to me, and a button.

_ Whoever put me here probably doesn't mean to hurt me, otherwise, they wouldn't have left flowers...and I can't just leave without knowing what's going on...I guess I'll just press this and see what happens... _

I pressed the button and a small ding sound echoed, as a door immediately was swung open by what I assumed to be a college student with messy short brown hair, and a lab coat. She looked just a few years older than me.

"Oh good, you're awake! You kept a lot of people waiting you know?" She scolded with a smile teasing me. I raised an eyebrow confused as she grabbed a chair from nearby and sat down, "so, can you tell me your name? Do you remember why you're here?" She asked.

"My name is Shuichi Saihara...and the last thing I remember is..." I trailed off. Would she think I was insane if I told her about the killing game? 

"Do you remember the game?" She asked seriously, I nodded surprised she knew about it, "that's good...now any sort of headache we need to check on? Or any sort of memory issues involving life before the game?" she asked.

"Life....before the game? No...I remember everything fine" I told her as she sighed, "do you remember who you are or the person of the game's past?" she clarified. I paused. _Oh right...the video's Shirogane showed...the person I was before...was that really me?_

_ I don't remember any of that...just the person I am now... _

I shook my head as she wrote that down on a clipboard, then she saw my concerned face, "oh don't worry about it, it happens every time after waking up, your brain still needs time to slowly release your suppressed memories so you can understand them, it's better you don't remember everything right away Saihara San" she assured.

"Can you tell me...where are we?" I asked outright. Her eyes widened, "ah shoot I did it again, every single time...you're in Danganronpa's private hospital, my name is Kuri Maiko, I'll be your therapist to adjust to life outside the game" she explained.

"Help you adjust to life after the simulation" she added. My eyes widened,  _ sim...simulation...? Wait...none of that was real...does that mean...Akamatsu...Momota...Gokuhara...are they all still alive?! _

"My friends?" I asked desperately for answers as Maiko smiled at me, "not to worry, you were the last to wake up from the coma, you've been asleep for about a month now, all the others have already started recovery" she told me.

I looked down, unsure if I wanted the answer if they all were truly alive. A hand was placed on my shoulder, "ALL of them are alive" she told me with a warm smile. I could feel tears threatening to be released.

"T-They are...?" I asked. She nodded, "the way the killing game is operated is we suppress your former lives and memories and implement new ones for the characters you take on, and place them in virtual simulation very much like reality called the Neo World Program 2.0 manufactured after the second killing game during The Tragedy.

"We then use that world to have the killing game experienced with the participant of Kiibo or other means acting as the camera for the game, once you die in the game you awake to the real world as your brain understands eventually you are not dead" she explained.

"It takes a while, but then you will begin physical therapy, as well as emotional therapy to adjust to life outside of the game, do you have any more questions?" she asked. I paused.

"Is it over...are the killing games over...?" I asked. Maiko gave me a sad look, "Let's start on your recovery more first...then we can discuss the game more, you must be tired and it's late I know you can't tell but it is, why don't you get some sleep or I can ask a nurse to bring you something-"

***CRASH***

Just as Maiko was talking a loud crash erupted from the hallway as she ran to the door and opened it and there...there...my brain couldn't comprehend it.

Three nurses were gathered around them, a wheelchair on stand by and one was holding a syringe as loud hyperventilating cries were ringing out as the person stared into my eyes, their shocked expression clear...

"YOU!" he cried out, his voice full of malice, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" he screamed as the nurse injected the needle into his neck, causing the boy to immediately pass out into the arms of another nurse as they chatted amongst themselves.

Maiko looked at me horrified but my eyes couldn't get off him.

It was Kokichi Ouma, only...this wasn't Ouma...

His skin was paler than usual, with heavy eye bags and his body skinny and his hair was sticking to his head because of sweat. He looked broken because of the tear stains running down his cheeks...but those eyes...

They were full of complete and utter terror.


	2. Lost

**Ouma's POV:**

_ I got cheated.  _

What? Expecting some kind of monologue about how everything went wrong, how I fell because of my hubris, or because of how much I 'loved' everybody that I was willing to die for them. Or maybe you're a fan of the stories of how I was depressed, suicidal and wanted to die the entire game, that my guilt and my regret made me die, that in the end, I got the punishment I thought I deserved, how I was innocent all along and if only everyone had seen that, if only they reached out, or if I had reached out, how I was in the right all along.

That's the monologue, the story you want to hear, the truth, the unhindered truth of my inner thoughts and what I am. That's what everyone wants to know.

Well too bad. Because I don't feel like being a narrator today.

Don't look for any deeper meaning, don't skim through my thoughts like they're just some words on a piece of paper, I am not a character, I am a human being. So learn to be disappointed now and forever hold your peace.

Just know this.

I was cheated.

~-~-~-~

**_"DoN't WOrrY KOkichI, eveRYthIng WiLl bE fINe I ProMIse"_ **

Maiko sighed as she sat next to me, "ok, well what did we say to do when you saw someone from the game for the first time?" she asked, "don't scream at them, don't harass them, and don't ask if they have dicks" I answered bored as I played with a Rubix cube in my hand.

"And what did you do?" she asked, "screamed bloody murder at Saihara before the goons knocked me out" I answered, "yes, so what did we learn here?" Maiko asked, "I wish I said more" I answered, "exactly- wait what?" she asked.

I just grinned at this small victory as I ignored my shaking palms.  _ Stop shaking, you're a supreme leader so act like it. _

**Y-You're n-not a sup-supreme leader though.**

I ignored them. 

For the past week, the hospital has been just like the killing game, trapping me inside and forcing me to recover from what the game did to me. Hah, like that is as easy as they explain in the highlighted ten-step plan to recovery, then get evicted from this place and live a happy life that I won't even have to work to sustain for my whole life. Easier said than done, I lost. I...I lost the killing game.

Nothing changes that fact.

Still, today was the worst day of my life. No- that actually would probably be my death day. That day was awful, or maybe the day I woke up after the game? Or the day that- nope won't think about that one. It won the bad day game. But today made it high on the list of bad days because I finally saw Saihara for the first time after the game.

I thought maybe I would just get a little mad when I saw his face, he ruined the plan. I know he ruined the plan because otherwise Kiibo and Shirogane shouldn't have died afterward, Momota was more expected, his illness, and he played his part perfectly so I shouldn't blame him. I can't blame you.

**_You made the plan fail though, you could've done things so you never would've had to make that plan._ **

Momota did everything he could until Saihara ruined everything for us. He played the act, even tricked Monokuma, and no matter how many times I replay that episode can I find a point that maybe we would've been caught...if it wasn't for one person. He ruined my victory.  _ I could've won Saihara...I was going to win the game...and look at what you did instead...I died for nothing...Gokuhara died for nothing because of you...I hope you're happy. _

"Ouma, you can't just yell at Saihara because of what happened in the game, you do realize he was awake for all of three minutes when you screamed at him? Remember how terrified you were when you woke up? That's how Saihara was probably feeling and you immediately screamed at him within moments of regaining consciousness, that's not good" Maiko scolded, I continued to play with the Rubik's cube. Maiko just sighed.

"What even happened actually outside the room? Mind telling me?" she asked.

**P-please, p-please l-let me l-live...**

_ Shut up. _

**I w-was the f-first one, please, you're not e-even the r-real one I-I am.**

_ I am real! You gave yourself up! SO sit down and let me control this! _

**I j-just want to see my friends again!**

_ Then why did you leave them behind? _

I shrugged, "nothing" I answered. Maiko looked at me disapprovingly.

**Y-You were too h-harsh on him.**

_ Did I ask for your opinion? _

Maiko sat down and crossed her legs, "how are your memories? The nurses are telling me you won't take the medication" she scolded. I shrugged, "I don't know what you're talking about" I answered innocently. She groaned.

"Ouma, I don't know if you understand your condition, you weren't supposed to remember your life before the game this soon, your heart nearly gave out when you woke up because of the shock and the panic-" she started explaining, "don't you think I know that?" I asked.

Maiko looked at me shocked, "don't you understand what you assholes did to my head?" I repeated, "my mind is tearing itself apart, I can remember so many things and everything is screaming inside of it...I can't even focus anymore...heh....are you happy?" I asked laughing dryly.

Maiko didn't answer, "I can hear him...the other one...he wants his body back...and then there's me...I want to exist to..." I told her, "so that little kid is going to have to learn to stand down," I told her.

Maiko looked at me angrily, "Ouma this isn't healthy, please if you're not going to take the suppressants, then at least start taking your therapy sessions more seriously, it's in your best interest if your pregame and game personalities are clashing it could have major effects on your body and psyche-" she started as I glared at her.

"So you mean my body can be worse than it is right now?" I asked. 

She paused unsure of how to answer. I didn't need her to, I couldn't feel my body past my waist. Nothing, the only time I felt something anywhere on my body, it would be some type of pain. Joy. Just playing with the Rubix cube was the most my body and mind could seem to function without being flooded by migraines or being rushed back inside of the killing game.

Maiko looked at me sadly, "I want to help you Ouma" she told me, "I want to stop you from destroying yourself" she assured, "so please listen to me, I know what I'm talking about, I've seen this happen to people like you before...and it never ended well...so please let me save you" she pleaded.

I didn't answer. She didn't expect me to though I guess.

**Y-You lost...**

_ Shut up. _

~-~- _ A few hours earlier _ ~-~

The day had started normally. I was being rolled down the hall for a daily 'walk'. Nothing different, we never went outside and the facility had no windows to be seen, making the only great views being the white walls of the hallways and the squeaky floors. If you were lucky you could see the rare view of a little custodian sign.

I should have recognized the signs sooner.

The hallway at first seemed normal, it was normal. 

A low and eerie creaking of metal erupted from the hall as I took a deep breath and closed my eyes,  _ it’s nothing. It’s nothing, all in your head just like the annoying parasite...it’s fine... _

Then the walls began to close in on each other, warping inverting itself as it opened up back to the ink blackness, I could hear Monokuma’s laughter, the darkness was a vast sea that swallowed the entire hallway, I felt my eyes widened as I looked around terrified, "help...HELP!" I screamed but no one responded, then a light came, I reached desperately...

And felt the cold metal against my back. An overwhelming pain invaded my body. I recognized this pain, I would remember this pain till the day I die, that made my body feel like it was breaking apart and everything was being crashed down.

It was the hydraulic press.  _ I'm back in the game, no no no, please not again! I don't want to die! I don't want to die! I'm NOT READY TO DIE PLEASE GOD!  _ My body lurched forward as I felt my upper body writhing in agony as I couldn't help but scream at this pain as my body tried to keep itself under control,  _ someone...please...please...make it go away....make it go away..... _

I saw his face. I saw his face, his eyes full of anger and malice, how he looked at me with his self entitled face, as if he was better than me, that was something he really really believed...I looked around everywhere,  _ not again not again not again anything but that please God please I don't want this I don't want this! _

I looked up past the heavy tears building in my eyes to meet with a pair of amber eyes that came from the darkness, they shined like the sun as I felt... That navy hair was longer than before, and he seemed skinnier. But that was undeniably him, raged went past any sense of judgment aided with the pain still wreaking havoc as I cried out "YOU!" Saihara's face looked shocked as I stared daggers at him, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"I screamed as a sharp pain entered my neck and an overwhelming sense of tiredness as I fell back into the black abyss.


	3. It's Not A Lie

**Saihara's POV:**

When Maiko first told me that everything I went through was some kind of simulation, that everyone was safe and ok I didn’t really accept it. It was just too hopeful and too amazing to believe in, that after all that needless death and suffering...they came back? Part of me just couldn’t accept that as real. 

But then I saw him, that the fact he could stare at me with such intense fear and pain, that truly made me believe it. Because I had no choice but to believe it once I was forced to see it. Someone who you had seen dead, dead as can be, someone who you thought you would never see again, if you even would want to, and yet they are right there in front of me. 

My mind couldn't process the information that was in front of me. What Ouma looked like, he looked like a corpse, what he said,  _ what did I do?  _ , and how he was then knocked out and carried back onto a stretcher and Maiko had run after the group for a while without as much as a goodbye.

It was all so sudden.  _ Ouma...you're alive...and you hate me...why? What did I even do- _

**_"You're alone Ouma, and you will always be alone"_ **

My words flashed back as my eyes widened,  _ I...I did say that, didn't I? He said it was my fault though...his plan was his own! He was the one who pretended to be the mastermind, who held Momota captive, it was his fault Harukawa shot him, and he was the one who conspired a plan involving his own death, I didn't do anything. _

_....Right? _

_ No of course not. I couldn't have done anything. He never reached out. I couldn't have saved him. He did it to himself.  _

_ He...he did it to himself...everything... _

_ He... _

_ I'm not to blame right? _

Nothing answered my questions. Just the continued sounds of the monitors as I took a deep breath and noticed a mirror in the corner as I stared at my appearance. First off my hair was longer than I expected, and my skin was a bit paler.

I was also skinny, but I guess that was the result of not eating for that long, and relying on a liquid diet. But...that part of my hair that always stuck up...was flat against my head and nonexistent. 

I brushed the bangs out of my face looking at my appearance more and noticed there were cuts on my arm that weren't apparent during the game. Scars...that was from most likely self-harming. My eyes widened.

_ Who...who was I? How much of me was scrubbed away...? _

_... _

_... _

_... _

_ Do I want to know? _

_ ~-~-~-~ _

"You'll have to forgive him," Maiko said walking back into the room. She had been gone for several hours now, leaving me to my thoughts. She looked tired, I didn't respond. She looked at me with pity, "sorry I left" she apologized, "doctor duties called, hard having sixteen patients" she joked.

I didn't meet her eyes, "hey what Ouma said isn't true ok? It's not your fault" she assured.

"I think it would be easier if I knew what I was at fault for," I told her. She shrugged, "I don't know, but whatever it is he isn't in the right state of mind to even make accusations like that," she told me. I raised an eyebrow, "why? What happened to Ouma?" I asked. She looked hesitant before she sat down on the chair next to the bed again.

"This doesn't leave the room ok? Especially to Ouma" she ordered, I nodded, she took a deep breath, "Ouma remembers his life before the game," she told me. My eyes widened, "he remembers? Like what, his family or-?" I started as she shook her head.

"Usually the death in the games just results in the minimal amount of memories being risen depending on the amount of pain or terror the participant felt before death, you know that saying your life flashes before your eyes? That is what unleashed the participants who died memories just a smidge...for Ouma his case...was different" she mumbled.

"What?" I asked, "usually the machine only has to make the participant feel like only a few things had been healed, for Ouma...he felt his whole body being crushed to death, with the added effect of poison slowly killing him," she told me, "he died so painfully and the machine had to make him believe his whole body was healed, resulting in the whole release of memories because they had to force his brain through such an ordeal" she explained.

"So what you're saying is...due to the trauma of the killing game, he remembers everything?" I asked. She nodded, "because of that, his body and mind had no time to adjust and his two personalities are battling for control, and it's driving him insane," she said remorsefully.

"Can't you do something? Hasn't there been anything like this before?" I asked. Maiko didn't meet my eyes for a while, "I treated a patient a few games before, she died believing her whole body had been dismantled, stitched back together, and dismembered again" she told me.

My eyes widened in pure horror,  _ how could anyone do that to someone?  _ "The girl, like Ouma, had the same effect on her, she didn't..." Maiko hesitated as I saw tears in her eyes, "she never recovered, she is unable to react to anything or express any sort of emotion...she is in all sense brain dead" Maiko told me.

"The blackened of that case was also deeply distraught, he...he committed suicide a few weeks into rehabilitation upon learning what happened to the victim" she mumbled. I sat there unsure of how to respond.

"Can you help him?" I asked  _ I mean...Ouma may be a brat...he did a lot of horrible things...but he doesn't deserve to become like THAT. _

_ He did kill three people though...what if this actually is- _

"I am doing everything in my power, believe me, Ouma's case is a very fragile one, he can't even walk anymore, so please do me a solid and be easy on him? Even after everything he has done in your game put it aside for just a while" she begged. 

I nodded, "I'll try" I promised. She sighed in relief, "thank god, thanks bud" she said. 

_ If...what if once I remember who I was, will my body do the same? Will I turn on myself? What kind of pain even is that? _

"Hey...Maiko....why are you working here?" I asked she looked at me confused, "I just assumed all of Danganronpa to be cruel...and you have been nice so far" I explained, she fumbled with her fingers, "let me just say...I can relate to your struggles..." she put simply.

Then she smiled as she stood up, "well, I got good news for you if you want it" she said. I raised an eyebrow, "You have someone who wants to visit you, you can say no, it's fine, but I think you want to see him to" she said sweetly.

"Who?" I asked as she smiled widely, "Kaito Momota has requested a visit" she told me


	4. It Wasn't Me

**Shiroganes POV**

I carefully held the glass of water in my hands, focusing on the ripples of the tiny cup as I could hear the screaming echoing from beyond the halls. The glass however only moved slightly to the noise, and I felt my grip tightening-

**_~~“Rantaro...I’m scared...what if it doesn’t-”~~ _ **

**_Let’s kill him!_ **

**_It will be fun!_ **

_ I want to go home- _

**_OH ENOSHIMA AREN’T YOU PROUD OF US?_ **

_ I want to stop this- _

**_Do it for despair, that’s the only thing worthwhile in this world._ **

_ Someone, someone stops her, I don’t understand what’s going on- _

The glass cracked in my hands as I felt the cold water run over them, the tiny pieces of glass were stinging and cutting my hands, but I just kept trying to maintain my breathing as the screams grew louder, the walls cracked with the sound of her, no  _ my _ laughter and the walls oozed with the blood of long-dead friends... _ they’re dead...right? _

_ Dead? Whose dead? Why are they dead? Why am I alive? How am I still here? I should have died, I shouldn’t be here, why can’t I die? Why did he die, who did it? Did I do it? I did it.  _

_ He’s on the floor, he’s bleeding, who killed him? _

_ The bear is laughing still, why does he laugh so much? Hasn’t this become too mundane by now? Laugh! Let’s all laugh till the world ends, why is Rantaro dead? Why didn’t Rantaro scream? _

_ I’m Dead. _

**_It’s not despairing unless someone dies._ **

I blinked, trying to regain control of what was going on as I sat up, I could hear my bones cracking with every step I took, it’s breaking apart. I’m becoming ice, I’m going to shatter-I headed towards the bathroom, washing my face as I stared at my sullen and sunken face.

I looked like death.

Maybe that’s for the best.

**_It’s not a tragedy till someone breaks._ **

**_It’s not fun until someone dies._ **

**_Do it again._ **

_ But I didn’t want to do it. _

**_We did!_ **

_ I didn’t do it, I never did anything, I want to paint my nails with Akamatsu again. I want to- _

**_She’s dead_ **

_ I want to show off my new cosplays again. _

**_No, you don’t._ **

_ I want to figure out who trapped me here, why am I here? Why does it hurt so much? Why can’t I remember? Why is Rantaro dead? _

**_You did it._ **

_ I didn’t do it, I never did anything. _

**_You did._ **

_ What is happening? Why is Amami dead? Why is there so much blood? I don’t understand, someone, please- _

**_You did it._ **

_ I...help...someone...why? Why am I smiling…? _

I avoided looking in the mirror as I got ready for the day, it took almost all of my energy as I kept track of how much time till the obligatory visits by the ‘therapists’ and ‘doctors’ came in to once again try and diagnose me for a condition, only to once again come up the next week apologizing for getting it wrong.

It’s probably this routine disappointment that kept me from losing myself completely or more than I already have. Satisfied with the little I had done to my appearance, I looked at the mirror.

The one that was shattered partly, and covered in tape to try and guard the pieces against me, I glanced down at my bandaged hands, they were still swollen from when I had punched the mirror only days prior, they might scar.

_ … _

My head burned then. It felt like a fire had overwhelmed my body, and what I could have done at the time was a scream, scream to try and get someone, anyone, to take away the pain I had experienced. But nothing worked, not any type of medicine would take it completely away, one that kept me awake at night for weeks, including now. 

I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t escape the pain, I kept seeing things and hearing things that weren’t real, at least not in the real world…

As I felt the small strength of my legs starting to leave me, and they began shaking I could only take a deep breath and stare at the face of a murderer. One that smiled back at me.

...

_ Have I gone insane? _


	5. Whiplash

**Ouma's POV:**

**W-Why...w-why did t-this h-happen...?**

"HELLO OUMA!" Maiko called as she entered the room, she seemed to be in a good mood, "I got good news and bad news, which do you want to hear?" she asked, "is the good news good for you or me?" I asked.

"I hope it's good news for both of us," she said sitting down as she grabbed her clipboard, "what is it?" I asked as she flipped through, "so as of yesterday since all your classmates have awakened from the simulation this means now we can go to another phase of your recovery" she congratulated.

_ I don't like the sound of this... _

**I-It can't b-be that b-bad...**

_ Just wait. _

"What do you mean...?" I asked, "oh! We're going to start scheduling meetings between you and your fellow participants," she said. My eyes widened, "do I have to? They’re so booooring~" I asked. Maiko sighed, "so...this is bad news for you, yes for scheduled ones you are required to show up, however, you can also have off-time one on one meetings, you're not required to talk to them" she explained.

"Ok, no," I told her, "No?" she asked, "any time any of them want to see me the answer is no," I told her grinning. Maiko sighed, "well that's a shame, you already have a request from someone," she told me. 

I raised an eyebrow,  _ someone wants to see me? Wait, please don’t be him. I can handle anyone else just don’t let it be him… _

**B-But it will h-help-**

_ Shut up, you're not blameless either. _

"It's Kaito Momota," she told me, seeing me nervous. I sighed in relief but immediately felt self resentment,  _ you could trick everyone into thinking you were the mastermind and you can't even pretend you're calm? Pathetic. _

Maiko then handed me some paper, I looked at her confused. She shrugged, "I'm trying out a way to help calm down the chaos in your head, I bet your memories are just bursting in little bombs, so this might help you process and understand them individually more" she explained.

"So...you want me to write stuff down?" I asked, "pretty much, so I'm going to give you a broad topic, and then you write down what comes to mind, don't think, just write" Maiko instructed. I nodded,  _ I don't have anything better to do... _

She paused, "let's do an easy topic, DICE, talk to me while you write" she instructed. I nodded writing down, "am I supposed, to be honest about this?" I asked sarcastically, "you don't have to, I know you don't trust me," she told me. My eyes widened as I looked at her, "well you met me barely a week ago, I would like it if you trusted me, but if you don't that's ok" Maiko told me.

_ Ironic. The first time someone lets me lie it's for therapy. _

**W-Why d-do y-you lie?**

_ Shouldn't you know why? _

"So DICE?' I asked, Maiko nodded, "so it's with my...it's with my nine friends, of course, there are ten and thousands of other members, but my nine subordinates each have a legion" I started. I waited for Maiko to call me out but she said nothing.

"We're good friends, I've known those nine since we were kids," I told her, a slow feeling of dread filled me as I already felt uncomfortable with how much I had revealed if Maiko noticed she didn’t say anything. "How did you meet them?" Maiko asked curiously, despite better judgment I could feel myself smiling as I thought about my friends, "so we met when I was nine or maybe younger, we were..." I started but trailed off.

_ Is...is DICE even real...? _

**...**

"Are you ok..?" Maiko asked, I quickly laughed, "yeah, just thinking how it's only a matter of time till my organization breaks in and saves me," I told her. She sighed, "Is that all you want to say right now?" she asked.

I nodded, "good luck getting anything out of me ms police chief," I told her. She didn't look disappointed only glancing down at my sheet, "so what do I do now?" I asked, "didn't you read what you wrote?" she asked. I shook my head as I looked down at my paper...

**_My best friends and I are from the Board Game Club, which we nicknamed DICE, there are only four members including me in total, and they made me the president of our club even though I’m nervous and act like a wreck all the time. They’re my everything._ **

My eyes widened at what I had written,  _ I...none of this makes sense...no I don't understand...I don't... _

A sharp pain flared my head as voices inside my head screamed at me as my vision became dazed, Maiko reached out towards me with fear in her eyes but I couldn’t tell what she was saying as I felt like I was going to throw up.

**_“DON’T LEAVE ME!”_ **

As I tried to find the person who screamed that the world fell back into darkness.

**♤~♡~◇~♧**

I awoke in a room. It was just a simple white room, no decorations, only two doors and a pair of chairs, one I was sitting in. I looked down and realized I was wearing my killing game uniform as I felt my heart racing.

"Hello...?" I called out, my voice echoed throughout the walls. I then looked to the other chair, someone was now sitting on it. My eyes widened in surprise.

They...were me.

They had the same haircut, and deep eye bags I had now. The same skin tone, on all physical attributes we were identical. Only they had a more timid and meek posture, along with some bandages on their hands and their faces. They wore a school uniform I didn't recognize and just helped to inflate my headache.

"Who are you?" I immediately asked. The boy shifted uncomfortably in his seat, "I could ask you that..." he mumbled. I glared down at him, this was the epitome of all I didn't want to be, weak. It filled my heart with terror, yet I kept composure.

"You're that annoying voice aren't you?" I accused, the boy nodded, "and you're the one who wrote that lie aren't you?" I asked. The boy nodded, looking up barely to meet me at eye level, "i-it isn't...a lie" he told me. I rolled my eyes.

"So what do you want?" I asked, "the body? Well too bad" I told him, the boy looked at me, his eyes pleading, "p-please...I...I...I d-don't want t-to be you," he told me. I felt myself gripping my fist as I stood up.

"Well too bad! You're the one who made me, aren't you? You're the one who made me go through all that hell! The one who makes it so I can't even sleep at night anymore! YOU MADE ME! So deal with the consequences!" I screamed.

The boy began crying, "y-you're a monster!" he shouted. I sat down back in my seat, looking down, "didn't you want this?" I asked. The boy didn't respond, only continuing his sobs.

I looked at him, "you wrote three" I accused. He looked at me confused, "there's nine" I told him. He shook his head, "there wasn't..." he mumbled. I raised an eyebrow.

"Then who's real?" I asked, his eyes widened, "you...you know them...?" he asked, "What do you mean do I know them?" I asked confused. The boy just wiped his eyes, "why...w-why d-don't we m-make a c-compromise?" he asked.

I raised an eyebrow, "what is it?" I asked, "w-we e-exchange o-our p-pasts..." they suggested, "a-and t-then w-we d-decide...w-who g-gets to e-exist?" they asked. I paused.

_ Who else is going to know but myself? _

"Fine, deal"


	6. An Exchange

**Ouma's POV:**

The second we agreed on the deal, I was expecting some kind of witch-like magic to magically solve our problems. Or maybe just fix my body, that would have been good enough.

Instead, we found ourselves in the room, nothing in the room changed, except for the ominous-sounding of a clock ticking in the background. There were no clocks in the room for me to see, the sound was not from a tiny alarm clock though, no this sounded like a grandfather clock. Just booming somewhere in the distance for what seemed like every hour we spent here.

Three times it struck, we made small talk in the meantime, or just looked everywhere but each other. Finally, it seemed he had enough of what was happening.

"So....w-what do we d-do now?" He asked as I shrugged. "Do you think I know how this meta experience thing where I talk to myself works?" I asked. The other Ouma looked down embarrassed.

"Sorry...." they mumbled. I rolled my eyes, “well you’re the one who offered a solution” I reminded them as he sunk in shame. “T-that was just...I d-don’t know w-what to do...okay? T-This is new f-for me to…”

“Well I have a very busy schedule so you better get us out of here or keep up your end of the deal~” I pressured, he began pacing around the room in a panic biting his nails as he looked around the halls unsure of himself.

“M-Maybe...m-maybe we need to j-just focus on o-one topic?” he guessed, “b-because the r-reason why we’re h-here is because o-our mind c-can’t handle b-both our memories...w-what if we do w-what your t-therapist suggested?” he offered.

I paused unsure of whether or not to take his suggestion, on paper it made sense to tackle this one topic at a time but on the other hand doing _that_ is what got me here in the first place.

“What if that kills me?” I asked finally, he paused and stared at me as if he hadn’t considered this possibility, he fumbled with his hands as he stuttered his words trying to reason with me, his desperation was clear to see “I-I’m sure we’ll be...we h-have to be f-fine! Let’s...l-let’s just-”

"Didn't I nearly die cause of you already?" I reminded. He looked at me confused, “I...I h-haven’t done a-anything…” he said confused, I laughed coldly. I couldn’t believe I had to remind him or sg that should have been obvious.

“When I died the first time?” I hinted, he paused as his eyes widened in slow realization “o-oh...o-oh god…” he mumbled, “aww don’t back out now you coward~ You knew what you were doing.” I teased.

_I could still remember it clearly..._

**~♤~♡~◇~♧~**

I was walking towards my death, with every step I took I could feel my mind racing with thoughts I couldn't understand, thoughts so tangled I doubt anyone could. My heartfelt heavy in my chest, beating loudly and methodically, I was scared. 

The press stood right in front of me, I looked up as Momota was walking up towards the machinery before gazing back at the press, the air around us was cold, and my back was still stinging from the wound, I could feel my legs wobbling, just about to collapse from the bloodloss, or maybe the fear?

_It will be over quickly...just suck it up. Everything will go according to plan, it will be fun, I will be fine. It...it will be ok._

I kept repeating that to myself as I crawled into the press, it was a tight fit, and Momota's jacket barely helped against the cold metal of the press. Momota was up there, I couldn't see his face but I noticed the way his legs seemed to be trembling as well.

_Don't get cold feet on me._

I closed my eyes refusing to look at the press when it came crashing down, _will he warn me? He warned me when he was taking the arrows out of my back and arm...will he do the same thing here?_

I'm going to die.

That's the moment it sunk in as I felt my palms sweating, I felt my whole body wanting to move, the urge to scream, I couldn't do this, I can't do this, I don't want this, please don't make me die like this!

_No....no.....NO NO NO GOD PLEASE NO!_

I could feel the strike nine poison slowly spreading throughout my body, it ached and screamed at me as I could feel the cold metal of the press on my back. It was a lot more apparent, any sort of determination I had crumbled as I felt myself losing my composure, _am I going to lie even at the end?_

The press that was about to slowly approach me, I could feel myself sweating as I stared at it, debating whether or not closing my eyes would make it any easier.

_I don't want to die._

That single truth made some tears finally fall from my eyes, as I saw Momota hesitating, he wouldn't even look at me. Maybe it was my imagination, but he looked just as scared. He was scared. _Don't have cold feet..._ I repeated, but I don't know who I was saying those words to.

_Just do it already...please...stop drawing it out..._

Finally, he pressed the button and the hydraulic press roared back to life.

_Hey...DICE...I'm sorry...I became a murderer...and I'm going to do without ever seeing you again...Saihara...you better not ruin this, you better make our deaths mean something..._

"I don't want to die..." I mumbled, it escaped so fast I could even acknowledge it.

_***CRASH*** _

The pain was unimaginable. I felt like I was on fire, that every single limb was being compacted into a tiny box or being torn apart from me, I wanted to scream, I wanted to move but the pure agony was unbearable, and I couldn't help but scream, but I don't think anything came out.

The world disappeared just as fast, I don't know what I was reaching for, some kind of heavenly light, only what came from the inky darkness the world collapsed into was a world covered in black and weird numbers that I was falling into, I felt so tired...

_Is this hell....?_

_I'm not surprised..._

I closed my eyes and just accepted the torment waiting for me.

....

.....

.....

.....

**♤~♡~◇~♧**

...

.....

***BEEP* *BEEP***

_What...? What's going on...? Why...why am I awake? I thought I was dead...? So why....?_

I opened my eyes fighting the urge to fall back asleep, it took a few minutes for me to fully wake up. My body...I couldn't feel my legs...I then noticed a breathing tube along with the sound of a heart monitor.

 _I'm....I'm.....alive?_ My eyes widened, as I looked around more, _where am I? This isn't the academy....how am I even alive?_

**"H-Hello...?"**

My eyes widened as a headache erupted.

**"Hey Kichi!"**

**"Run! Run you, coward!"**

**"I love you...Kokichi"**

**"Hey Shuichi, I- $#%@ &*"**

_AAGHHHHHH!_

The heart monitor went wild, as my headache erupted further, images flew in my mind and I couldn't even understand what it was.

_It hurts..._

**"Help me! Somebody! Help me!"**

The world faded back to black.

~♤~♡~Present~◇~♧~

"You nearly killed me, just you existing it’s going to kill me eventually," I said bitter, the other Ouma looked sad, "how do I even know that wherever this place is and us talking like this, isn't killing us, that it won’t kill me? For all I know I could have had a heart attack" I asked with slight anger. His eyes widened at the mention of real death, "that's...that's true...b-but how else do w-we get outta here....?" He asked.

Oh yeah, that's a problem. I sat up and walked around the room, looking for any sort of exit, "that's a problem isn't it...?" I asked.

"M-Maybe...m-maybe we should s-sort w-what we can...then m-maybe w-we....y-you can wake up?" He suggested. I looked over at him. _Well...there's nothing else we can do..._

"Ok, let's talk about DICE, that's what got us into this mess right?" I asked. He nodded, "c-can I s-start?" He asked. I nodded, I wasn't in the mood for sharing. I didn’t sign up for this.

The other me paused as he held a deep breath and as if on command the room then showed a door. It was a wooden door and was small enough to where I nearly hit the top of it.

I looked at him and he shrugged, “guess w-we j-just needed to p-pick something…” confused as we went through the door. Instantly white light consumed my vision, I couldn’t even see the other me anymore, and instead, the light seemed to reconstruct the world, with buildings and trees appearing along with an artificial sky. It might have even created a new season as it seemed to be spring instead of the fall I had been guessing the outside world was having.

There was a street with a lot of houses and I could see the outline of a city in the distance, all the parts of home I hadn’t realized I missed even the little things such as seeing flyers being taped over each other were enough to make me feel at home. A sense of nostalgia. Yet even seeing them, and trying to analyze the little details gave me a slight headache. _Maybe it’s because these aren’t my memories…_

_I’ve never actually been here. So why am I happy seeing this place?_

I turned around to look for the other one, I spotted him a few feet away as he walked around the street with blissful tears in his eyes. _I swear this guy cries way too often._

Running around the street were groups of kids running around the sidewalk, along with others watching on the sideline as they kicked a can around. I didn't take much notice till I saw a familiar pair of pigtails, the bored expression on a tall strawberry blonde, the familiar purple hair of a kid running with them.

I looked at him, he seemed to be subconsciously reaching towards those kids, "what's this?" I asked, he quickly wiped his tears. "That's DICE" he choked out, I looked at them, "so they're real..." I mumbled, he nodded.

"Yeah...my DICE...I met them at different times, some through the others...some I lived in the same neighborhood as...or our parents introduced us" he said as he walked around, a small smile on his face.

"It was really fun" he mumbled, "we played a lot as children, and hung out in our classes, even though...." he stopped as he looked down.

"Are you sure we want to talk about this?" He asked seriously. I nodded, "believe it or not I want to be able to live without passing out because of your memories" I reminded.

"Ok...m-maybe...they can help us g-get along...." he whispered as if that was only meant for himself. The scene then shifted with that confirmation and instead we were on the grounds of a school.

It was an actual refined building and it was strange for me to see, it looked like a public school and from the sailor uniforms, I guessed that this might have been middle school. He didn’t wait for me to figure out my surroundings though and instead, he quickly walked up towards a hill where a large tree was granting shade.

As I followed him up that hill I saw a pair of students sitting underneath that tree and having lunch. I felt a little gasp escape me, it was Riko. Only...not Riko. The Riko I knew had long pigtails and was always wearing something easy to jump around and stretch in as if she was trying to be a gymnast, yet this one lacked that kind of clothing. Her hair was still pulled into her favorite two pigtails and still had her hazel eyes. But this imposter wore a short skirt version of the girl's uniform along with always carrying a tan backpack. On her wrists are an assortment of bracelets, homemade and store-bought along with having a bag filled with makeup supplies. She has honey skin along with very natural style makeup.

Riko would never have been able to afford makeup, much less know how to use makeup. It was just... _not her._ I tried to hide my disappointment as I looked at the, ok I need something better than other me for this person. 

"What do I call you?" I asked he looked at me shocked that I asked, he looked down, kicking the dirt that refused to move due to the weird situation we were in. He finally looked at me, "w-well...w-we have the s-same name s-so...c-call me K-Kokichi?" He suggested. I nodded, "that works, so this is your DICE?" I asked, looking at the group having lunch.

He nodded, “Two aren’t here yet, but yeah...that’s Riko-” 

“I already know her name, she looks exactly like one of my DICE members,” I told him. He paused surprised by this, “maybe they based your friends off of mine?” he guessed. 

“My friends are more interesting than yours though~,” I told him, Kokichi ignored me as he looked at Riko with guilt in his eyes. “But...but if they did base your DICE off my real friends...then why did they leave her out…?” he mumbled out loud again, I raised an eyebrow curiously.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

He looked down, ignoring my question for a bit as if weighing the pros and cons before he answered hesitantly "I-I s-saw a g-glimpse...I- I k-know a little about y-you..." he admitted, "how much?" I quickly asked seriously, Kokichi looked at me scared, "I-I k-know a little o-of y-your childhood...n-not much the e-emotion...m-more o-of it l-like factual i-information" Kokichi explained.

I looked down. I didn't want to talk about that. _This is unfair. How come he gets to know about me and yet I don't even know a sliver about my- HIS life._

I turned my attention back to the two, I could properly see them, it almost hurt looking at them like this, the...god now there's three Kokichi Ouma’s, at least this one can't see us. The younger version of Kokichi, he looked like us, minus some bandages, and... _no...I cannot be the same height from when I was thirteen...I refuse to believe this…_

Damn it.

“Why can’t school just be over already? It’s so BORING! I wanna go to our club room and play candy land but last time Miyazono sensei kicked me because I was being disrespectful! She even made me erase answers out of old textbooks! I thought supervisors were supposed to be cool!” Riko complained.

“B-But school is important…” the younger Kokichi argued, Riko continued to groan though before popping back up with newfound positivity. She was an enigma with how she always managed to do that.

“How did you do on your English quiz? I swear Sensei has it out for me! English is so hard why do they have millions of words that mean the same thing?! Pick one!” Riko complained loudly.

“It’ll get b-better” the younger me assured, “m-maybe we c-can ask **#*(!~!(~!** **?”** he suggested. I stared confused at the sudden static and even Kokichi did as well however before I could ask about it two new figures were arriving in the distance…

It was Kazue, I remembered him as strawberry blonde but this one had light pink hair in the style of K-POP stars and blue eyes. Has an average build, not muscular but not skinny he seemed to add slight modifications purely for fashion sake to the uniform along with wearing a black face mask, he had light makeup of eyeshadow and lip gloss and eyeliner. Despite some appearance changes though he still had that grumpy expression which brought me some relief.

The other person gave me a headache, and I couldn't recognize her. Well, maybe I could have if I could have even seen her face. She was a short girl with long dark red hair leading to the middle of her back and seemed to be European to me, or at least a mix, she stood out like a sore thumb and had ivory skin. She also had a silver locket. I could only see the details of her face in between a static-like cover on her, "hey Kichi!' she greeted, her voice kept cutting out as I felt myself getting light-headed.

My head throbbed as I saw the flashing words of ERROR pop up in my vision, the girl just stayed the same her unrecognizable face, that just seemed to stare at past Kokichi...no she was looking directly at me, she reached out a hand to me. My knees wobbled, Kokichi noticed, quickly catching me as the world faded to black and disappeared along with the girl.

**~-~-~**

I don't know how long I was out for, but my headache was partly gone when I woke up, I collected myself before I dared to open my eyes. We were back in the room with the chairs, "a-are you ok?" Kokichi asked. _Am I?_

I nodded and got up, maybe too quickly, "yup! Was that ms mystery? She looked pretty boring" I yawned. Kokichi looked at me confused, "y-you forgot...t-they b-blocked h-her...w-why?" he seemed to whisper to himself.

He shook his head looking at me, "s-show me y-yours" he asked. I looked at him confused, "-y-your DICE..." he explained. I looked down, _should I tell the truth to this stranger...?_

I took a deep breath, _this was the deal...besides he can't exactly tell anyone_ **_._ ** At my decision to let him know a second door appeared on the opposite side of his. It looked like his only white color, covered in...blood. _That’s nice._

I ignored the cold feeling running down my back as I opened and stepped through.

**~-~-~-~**

The second I saw the alley I felt comforted. Kokichi looked terrified.

It was raining, the alley had a gross smell in the air with the garbage around, with a set of cardboard boxes set aside, covered with the trashbags to block out the rain. Some graffiti art was on the walls as I walked towards the fort.

It was so nostalgic, the feeling of seeing it again wasn't really warm...but not cold either. Just a sense of knowing.

Sitting in there were small children, around maybe twelve at most, they crouched near each other for warmth, as the sixth one stood guard, he had a large oversized black raincoat and a big police hat he had gotten from his father. 

It was me.

Kokichi huddled near me, "a-are...a-are you on the streets?" he asked. I nodded, "we're orphans and runaways" I explained, the first time I put it into words. It was strange being honest and left a sour taste for me.

"We met on the streets because the orphanage was cruel, or we simply got left there by relatives. It was a tough life, we had to steal to survive when we were younger...we didn't have much but we always accepted anyone new into our group, to play." I felt tears threatening to come out as I looked at the DICE members.

... _he only said he had three friends...and one of them isn’t even from my DICE so...does that mean the rest of my friends...never even existed?_

I pushed down the thought further as I smiled.

"When we got older we found an old van, and we moved in, and when Nao learned to drive we started to drive all over Japan, it was so much fun, we went wherever the road took us, becoming street performers, and in the dead of night pranksters for hire by neighborhood children, and just for fun.

"It was...it was sad and despairful, for a long time it was, we never could go to school much...everything I learned was from local libraries...I was maybe ten when I learned how to read, and I still can't write that well...and when we became teenagers I got accepted into Hope's Peak Academy as the ultimate supreme leader.

"The acceptance letter which somehow found me offered money to my friends in exchange for my absence...we could finally live comfortably...that's what I thought...." I mumbled as rage-filled me as I looked at Kokichi, no doubt malice on my face.

"Why?" I asked, tears in my eyes, he looked at me confused, "w-what?" he asked, "WHY? WHY DID YOU JOIN DANGANRONPA? FROM WHAT I SAW YOU DAMN WELL HAD AN EASIER LIFE! SO WHY?" I shouted.

Kokichi cried, "I-I'm s-sorry..." he mumbled, I walked up to him, "sorry isn't good enough..." I said bitter, the world collapsed under us as I screamed falling back into the blackness, I could see the familiar numbers…

_No....No.....NO! PLEASE NOT AGAIN! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT AGAIN! I BEG YOU!_

I fell deeper and deeper...

Kokichi was gone now...

It just seemed to be endless......

.....

.....

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.....

.....

.....

.....

...............

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

I awoke to the hospital room, covered in sweat, and the familiar feeling of the breathing tube.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one.
> 
> Oh well.


	7. Luminary

**Saihara's POV:**

I could feel myself shaking when I finally reached the door, Maiko looked at me concerned, "are you ok?" she asked. I nodded, "it's just...last time I saw him..." I trailed off, unable to finish that sentence.

She nodded in understanding, "it will be ok, trust me" she assured, smiling at me as she opened the door and playfully pushed me in, closing the door behind me. I was on my own now. I looked around the room, it was bland with white walls and a wooden floor, the only thing in the room was two couches, one where I could see a person with purple hair sitting on...

I took a deep breath as I went to sat down.

Standing in a similar hospital robe was Momota. Like me, he had eye bags and his hair was falling rather than pointing straight up, but other than that he looked a lot healthier than me, and certainly Ouma for the brief second I saw him. He..he...he was here. Alive, and breathing. This felt like some sort of dream.

Momota smiled, "hey Saihara" he greeted me, and I immediately felt tears running down my face, "Woah! What's wrong? Are you hurt? Was it something I said?" Momota asked I shook my head wiping my tears away.

"Sorry, it's just..." I started and paused, "what?" Momota asked, "you're alive..." I admitted, "even knowing now it was just a virtual world, I still can't believe that you're just right there, alive" I admitted.

"Oh...yeah I guess that  _ would  _ be weird huh?" Momota asked, "you're the first person who accepted to meeting me so far," Momota told me, "who did you ask?" I asked, "everyone actually, I just want to know how everyone is doing now that the game is over" Momota explained.

"Harukawa didn't say yes?" I asked, concerned. Momota looked down, "probably still mad at me for the stunt me and Ouma pulled" he guessed. I could feel bitterness rising inside of me, "Ouma...are you going to see him too?" I asked.

Momota nodded, but noticed my hostility towards Ouma, "I heard how he was doing, I feel bad, it was me that killed him after all, and now he's going insane. I also know that if anyone else saw him they would probably kill him..." Momota trailed off.

"Doesn't....don't you think he deserves that for how he treated us in the game? Momota, he  _ killed  _ you" I reminded, "and Gokuhara! He manipulated everyone and lied to us all till the very end, he knew so many things if he had just talked to us we could've ended the game earlier! We could've stopped Shirogane sooner!" I insisted I could feel my anger towards Ouma in full force now...and I doubt it would end soon.

Momota sighed, "I joined Ouma out of my own free will and you know that" he gently reminded, "only because otherwise Harukawa would have been the blackened" I countered. Momota didn't answer for a while, an awkward silence filling the room.

"I remember when I woke up, I was really confused at first, I was alive after all" Momota started, I looked up at him, his eyes seemed to be looking out at something I couldn't see. 

"Maiko, I think she's the head therapist right? She explained what the game was, it was pretty confusing, but after that...well I guess it was a relief" Momota admitted. I looked at him confused, "it meant that I didn't kill Ouma, that I could see Harukawa and you again, along with everyone else in the game...it meant I had a second chance at life." he told me.

"Second chance?" I asked Momota nodded, "I still don't remember much of how I was before the game, I get tiny brief flashbacks when something triggers it...I figured out I used to be a classroom bully, that kind of person who took their anger out at everyone" Momota admitted, his voice barely hid his disgust for his previous self.

"Do you know what you used to be like? Do you remember anything?" Momota asked curiously, I shook my head, "I don't, I...I think I might have been depressed? I found scars on my body when I woke up" I admitted.

Momota looked at me sympathetically, "well...once I realized how we all had in a sense a different personality, I guess it made it easier to forgive everyone" Momota admitted, "forgive? You don't mean...do you honestly forgive Ouma?" I asked shocked.

Momota nodded, "well think about it, he was made to have trust issues, and be a little shit, sure he could've done more, he sure as hell could've done more to help us but...well I don't think I should be pondering what ifs" Momota admitted.

"What are you going to do then?" I asked, Momota seemed excited, "so according to Maiko I am recovering much faster than a usual participant, and I asked her what my future looks like outside of the hospital" he started.

"According to her, participants get paid a lot for their participation in the game, enough for us to be set for life. I then thought, this might change I admit when I have all my old memories, but I think I'm going to stay here" he admitted. My eyes widened, "what?" I asked.

"Maiko said participants have the option to work with Danganronpa, and I think I would want to help people like Maiko, it seems to be a good idea at least, I mean looking at your reaction remembering Ouma, I doubt everyone when they leave will have someone they can talk to, or become friends with," he said carefully.

Some guilt filled me, "so...you're going to stay here?" I asked Momota nodded, "that's the plan, for now, I think it sounds like a pretty decent plan," he told me confidently, "I have to thank you though actually"

I raised an eyebrow, "what?" I asked, "your words in the last trial, I heard them when I woke up, you're right the pain we felt in the game is real, so I'm going to dedicate my life to fix what Danganronpa destroyed in the participants," Momota said confidently.

I shifted awkwardly, "I don't think I did much..." I admitted, Momota brushed that off, "you're being modest" he told me, I laughed dryly, as I got up to leave, "I think I should go...this is a lot to take in" I admitted. Momota nodded and offered me his hand to shake, I did.

"We should talk like this again soon" he suggested, I nodded as I headed for the exit and headed back to the room. Maiko opened a door and looked at me proudly, "good job, see it wasn't hard after all huh?" she joked.

I stopped for a second, looking at Maiko who looked at me confused, "Maiko..." I started, "what?" she asked, "Momota mentioned participants staying behind...that he heard it from you..."I started. She stood there waiting.

"Were you...in Danganronpa?" I asked. She looked at me, her face serious for a while.

She looked away laughing as she headed forward, "I'll tell you later, we need to get you to physical therapy come on!" she called as I chased after her.


	8. A Headache

**Ouma's POV:**

At first, it was like back then.

An empty sea of pitch black that I kept falling into, no light that seemed to always be described when you died. Time here was immeasurable. Just a sort of distorted panic but unable to move your body or even scream against the darkness, unable to even open your eyes, just the still sensation.

The feeling reminded me of the ocean like I was slowly drowning in the arctic sea, it clawed at me further and further dragging me down, and despite wanting to scream it was so calming, I was so tired and it was promising me the opportunity to finally sleep. 

It was like leaving the killing game, the same ocean was there back then, the ocean I had called home for the months it took for me to wake up from the hellscape. So I guess meta self experiences are on that level of confusion. 

It was so comforting.  _ I don't want to wake up though...I don't want to deal with this weirdo inside of my head again...I just want to sleep... _

_... _

_... _

_... _

The world didn't listen to my request.

**_~-~-~-~_ **

When I woke up the breathing tube was put back in my throat, it was uncomfortable, to say the least, along with the familiar beep of monitors and the IV drip in my arm.

I reached for the button on the desk and pressed it, a little ding sound went off as I waited for whoever would remove the tube already. Maybe five minutes later Maiko walked in with a flurry of doctors and nurses.

"Ouma!" She screamed running over, "I'm so sorry, I don't understand what happened, but-" she exclaimed when I grabbed the notepad nearby.

**_Can you get rid of the tube now?_ **

"What-? Oh!" Maiko looked over to the doctor, he seemed to be checking my vitals, "we can remove the tube now, but I think he should remain on oxygen, his body is still in a weakened state and we don't know if his lungs will threaten collapse again" he warned.

_ My lungs nearly collapsed....? _

My eyes widened in shock as I waited as they removed the breathing tube and switched me for an oxygen mask. At least now I could sit up and have some sort of dignity despite the harsh pain in my throat and the small blood cough up. 

I attempted to speak but that only added extra pain, “I would recommend sticking to the notepad for the next day at least till your throat recovers” the doctor added. I rolled my eyes,  _ wow never would have thought of that! _

**_What the hell happened to me?_ **

I asked, Maiko quickly answered, "we had your first progressive session, however, your brain couldn't handle the stress and began threatening to shut down your body and went into shock" she explained.

**_Thanks a lot._ **

"I'm trying my best Ouma," she said tiredly, I rolled my eyes. "Can you tell me what you remember from the experience? If you have any sort of headache?" She asked. I twiddled a bit with a pen. The truth was complicated even if I wanted to tell it, for all I know it was a dream or hallucination.

**_I remember taking over the world. It was a good dream._ **

Maiko rolled her eyes, "be serious" she said.

**_I also had Panta floats on standby._ **

"Ok. So you won't take this seriously, or at least not tell me" she sighed as she handed me a notebook with a set of pens in different colors, I raised an eyebrow at her. "This is for your therapy, I want you to write down something every day, doesn't matter how small or big, it doesn't matter if it's the truth or lies, that book is for your eyes only, even I won't have access unless you want to share it with me" she promised.

I raised an eyebrow. "Yes you can draw pictures" she responded.

That wasn't my question, but ok.

**I-I t-think i-it's a g-good idea...**

_ You don't get a say on this. _

**H-Huh?!**

"You understand Ouma?" She asked. I nodded, "ok, good, you're probably tired so I'm going to let you rest, is that ok?" She asked.

**_How long was I out?_ **

"Around three days" she answered. I looked down annoyed. "I'll see you tomorrow Ouma" she called. At first, I tried to fall back asleep, it didn't work I had too much on my mind.

I played with my Rubix cube. Got bored. I figured out a lot of its tricks. The only thing that could provide any sort of entertainment was the journal. I sighed opening it up, it had lined binder pages completely blank.

I wanted to write a date. That's when I realized I don't even remember what year it is. Let alone the month.

**???**

**_Supreme Leader: Log One_ **

**_I'm bored._ **

**_There's only a Rubix cube._ **

**_I memorized how to get the colors to align._ **

**_I wonder if there are cards here?_ **

**_Maybe._ **

**_Today is going to be boring._ **

**_I'm going to figure out a way to sneak in panta._ **

**_DICE can help._ **

**_Does DICE exist though? Or did I imagine them inside of my head? A lot of things don't make sense still to me, I want someone to tell me what was the lie and what was the truth. I don't want someone to do that at the same time though, what if the truth is something I won't like? What if it's something awful?_ **

**_What do I do then?_ **

I paused over the last statement. It had come out of me out of nowhere, I didn't seem to have any control of myself as it flooded out onto the page. I could barely look at it, much less let any other person potentially read this. It seemed too personal, so I crossed it out. Most of the note was getting too personal. I didn't like it. It didn't matter if this was for myself. If I explained myself I would become boring, the only way to survive is to be interesting for the viewers.

**Y-You're n-not i-in the g-game anymore...**

_ Shut up. _

I laid back down and ignored the monitors, this time I drifted off.

**I have a headache.**


	9. Girl of the Walls

**? POV:**

The chambers were cold and dismal as I walked down my heart was racing and telling me that any minute now he would find me,  _ they  _ would find me, and take their vengeance.

Even if I was observing them from the mirror.

Father disapproved of me being so close to them. It was why we had made so many cameras after all, along with the animatronic dolls I had been forced to create to watch over the games and the students from a safe distance. But for this first day, where everyone was still alive I felt compelled to still be by their side.

Even though I had betrayed them.

I twirled my two-toned hair, it was matching Monokuma’s, and I hated it. The dye was itchy and I didn’t understand the purpose of such an appearance. No one was going to see me for a long time.

But if this is what he wishes…

I took a deep breath and was almost spooked when two golden eyes met mine, those eyes stared into mine as if knowing I was there beyond the mirror. I held my breath as I almost wanted this boy to see me, I reached out and…

I held back as he moved away to talk with the other participants and I sighed, trudging back towards my room. The Killing Game had to start, after all, Hope was going to come.

So...someone has to make that sacrifice.

I will have to force that sacrifice.

For the world I’ve been told to believe in, I will need to work hard.

I need to make them kill each other.

Even if those people were once my beloved friends.


End file.
